Whoopie Pies

(A bit of fiction fun that came to me as I woke up this morning. )

Lillian Meece Owens lived to be the only woman ever to eat 40 whoopie pies at a single sitting. This was no mean accomplishment, since Ms Owens was only 4’9” and scarcely weighed 87 pounds in her heaviest clothing. She was so full of energy and bounce that she often appeared several times her size and a full foot taller, but in reality, when she shut the magic down, she was really a shrimpy little thing.. She could pass for a child or slip invisibly through a crowd without being noticed at all.

Her invisibility is what led her to eat the whoopie pies.

There were several bullies that lived on her street, and every day when she came home, they were standing around waiting to taunt her. “Scrawny!” “Skin-and-bones!” “Will-o-the wisp!” She hated them. She made herself even smaller and crept alpng the edge of the sidewalk, staying close to the walls. When she finally made it safely into her tiny house, she always fixed herself a cup of cocoa with cinnamon and a big spoonful of rum to make herself feel better.

it was after one of these run-ins with the bullies that she decided to make herself invisible. It wouldn’t be difficult, really. Create a distraction elsewhere. Wear gray clothing. Make no sound. “Think it as hard as you can, Lillian,” she told herself. “Think yourself invisible.”  And next time she saw the bullies, that’s exactly what she did.

She passed them without a word being uttered,or any notice from them at all. She had done it. This was such a useful trick, she decided to employ it everywhere she went, bullies or not. What a joy, never again to be  pointed out or poked fun at. She could do her shopping and walk in the park and even sing and dance if she felt like it, and not a soul would notice. It would be heavenly.

This worked very well for a long time, but she grew bored with being invisible. “If I can make myself invisible, why not make myself be bigger than I am? It should be easy enough. Wear bright colored clothing. Make a lot of noise,. Bounce up and down.” She told herself to think herself big, think it very hard. So next time she went out, the bullies were there as usual, but this time they backed away, saying “That’s the biggest woman I ever saw. Stay away from that one!” It made her very happy, and when she got home, she made herself a cup of cocoa with chocolate sprinkles and two big spoons of rum to celebrate.

“What a wonderful thing to be so imposing that bullies leave me alone! I think I’ll stay big from now on.” And that is what she did. Wherever she went, she was shown respect and given deferential treatment. It was a wonderful feeling. it made her feel grand, whch is how she appeared to people in this guise. The unnecessary kindnesses shown to her because of her size began to weigh on her and she soon tired of them. She longed for the day she could be invisible again. 

The next morning she resolved to go back to simply being Lillian, without guise or magick. She stepped out her door and the bullies immediately began to shout at her, making up for lost time with their cries of “Elflet!” “Scrawny legs!” “Teeny-tiny!” She  could scarcely bear it and became so enraged she very nearly became big again, but instead, she marched straightaway to the baker’s and bought the 40 whoopie pies, which she then proceeded to eat, one by one, until every crumb was gone.

People were astonished. Forty whoopie pies! No one had ever done such a thing before. The baker could not believe her eyes. Innocent bystanders wept. Mothers shielded their babies from the sight of it. Even the bullies could not believe it, and as we well know, bullies will believe anything. .

With a sigh and the smallest of burps, Lillian Meece Owens rose from the baker’s cafe table and marched out the door. The ranks of bystanders parted like the Red Sea before the Hebrews. She proudly stepped out into the sunshine and made her way home, unmolested by bullies or anyone else.

Never again did she need to make herself invisible or larger. Ever after she was known as the woman who ate 40 whoopie pies at a single sitting .No one knew what to make
of it, and rather than try, they simply let her be. .  

And she never, never ate another whoopie pie, as long as she lived, which was a very long time, indeed.  

Whoopie pie image courtesy of Google images 

story c MaryAnn Jackman
all rights reserved
2/25/13